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Island Pulp Detective: Glimpse the World of a Private Investigator (a.k.a What Roger is up against)

Published by Margaret Sisu in Island Pulp Detective, non-fiction · 12/7/2013 16:13:05
Tags: DetectiveshortstorymysteryhumorRogerGoodingNude

In general, private investigators are regular citizens with varying degrees of law enforcement training—or they should have such training—who are hired to snoop around and get the dirt on something or someone e.g. hired by attorneys in civil and criminal cases, by insurance companies to check into claims, and in divorce cases to see who has been stepping out and with whom, especially when money, property, and child custody are at stake (a solid pre-nup before the I-do’s would mitigate against that). Thanks to tailor-suited Wall Street sociopaths like Madoff, Stanford, Rothstein et al, and the popular, corrosive Ponzi scheme, P.I.’s are also now being called on to check if an investment is legit before cold cash changes hands. And thanks to globalization, P.I.’s no longer fit the Ellery Queen / Magnum PI models.
            Forget the magnifying glass. Today they’re more like your local retired-police officer, neighborhood computer geek/hacker, or in Roger’s case, law school drop-out.
Barbados—a balmy little island in the Caribbean Sea, long on history and strong in industry, culture and white coral beaches. No real excitement for a private investigator here, right?
      There’s the high-end
ex-patriot population, mostly wanting to kick back and keep their mega yachts, mansions, bucks and babes on the ‘down low’. Then they’re the locals -- laid-back but shrewd and more wryly cynical than star-struck by the glitz. Hounding someone for an autograph is ‘tacky and tasteless'—but don’t think for a moment that someone doesn’t know what’s really going on. On the surface, Roger’s island is as balmy as the climate. And underneath, the next scandal is already brewing. And thanks to easy technology and local private investigation networks with worldwide tentacles,"hiding out in Bim (our affectionate local moniker) where no one will find you" no longer works.
      My guy, local P.I. Roger Gooding, isn’t one of the multi-tower big boys, however. No, he’s a one-man show tolerated by local law enforcement (barely). But with his nose to the ground, in between getting into and out of scrapes, he gets the job done. And he’s licensed to do it. (Becoming an ‘official’ PI varies by country and within country. In UK, there’s no specific license but there’s plenty training available. In some US states it isn’t licensed while in others it is licensed and regulated with certificate courses offered at university level. In Australia, one must be specifically trained and licensed.)
     And to think the profession was started by a criminal! Back in 1833, Eugène François Vidocq, a French soldier and criminal himself founded the first known private detective agency and hired fellow ex-convicts! Official law enforcement tried many times to shut him down but it never took. Instead, Vidocq is credited with introducing record-keeping,
criminology and ballisticsto criminal investigation....and  Roger certainly understands the need to overlook some…character flaws, shall we say…to catch the real bad guy, all in the name of the greater good.

Island Pulp Detective: Roger Gooding's Mother, Celia, can only hope

Published by Margaret Sisu in Island Pulp Detective · 5/7/2013 17:27:38
Tags: DetectiveshortstorymysteryhumorRogerGoodingMarciaNude


If Roger had been my first born, he would have been an only child (sigh). He’s always had his own way of doing things, which is fine—but he was always looking for an angle, too, which wasn’t. Once, when he was ten, I told him he could not go out and play with his friends until his homework was done. Half hour later, I heard voices inside the house. When his father and I went to check, Roger had his friends inside his bedroom, and one of them was doing his homework for him, at which time he pointed out that I said he couldn’t go out but never said that they couldn’t come in. And apparently I didn’t explicitly say how the homework was to get done. Do you see why he would have made a good lawyer? I spend a lot of time praying for that boy and his father—may he rest in peace—well, he spent a lot of time shaking just his head.
Roger went and married that Sheraline woman. It always struck me that there was more to that one than meets the eye but he was besotted and she did have good child-bearing hips. Can't say I'm sorry that she's out of the picture but I’m still waiting for a grandchild. Still, Roger is a fine looking man. I see women giving him the eye all the time but I know there’s someone extra special out there and that one day he’ll find her and stop tom-catting around, settle down and get serious, and I’ll get a little grandbaby.
      But for now, this private investigation thing seems to make him happy so I guess there’s nothing I can do but keep praying he stays out of trouble. Thankfully, yesterday he said that his next client is in Holetown—the West Coast!—so it must be someone fairly elite. I mean, the
Platinum Coast is all about the rich and the famous, isn’t it? So he’s bound to be rubbing elbows with a better quality of person…isn’t he?

                                               (Look for ‘No Damn Good’)

Island Pulp Detective: Dainty but Deadly Marcia ‘takes care of business’

Published by Margaret Sisu in Island Pulp Detective · 24/6/2013 14:30:22
Tags: DetectiveshortstorymysteryhumorRogerGoodingMarciaNude

I was hired to handle the paper work and as office security. Petite womendon’t look particularly intimidating but that’s the whole point. In just the first few weeks, though, I realized that my job at Good Investigations included making sure we weren't evicted or that the electricity wasn’t cut off.  
       I don’t understand my boss. He finds missing property, gets corrupt businessmen to come clean; he has even uncovered killers. But when it comes to women, his brain slows right down and either he can’t figure out a damn thing, or it takes him forever to do it. I have a bet going with myself how long it will take him to discover how his ex-wife lives so fancy on what he pays in alimony (I know how much he pays, but he doesn’t know that I know.) He owes me plenty back pay but she gets her check right on time every month, otherwise the telephone rings and he breaks out in a sweat. I’m not ready to make him sweat even more just yet—
but it might be best if he doesn't try my patience.
       As for the ex-Mrs. Roger Gooding--a few weeks ago, I happened to be walking behind her in the supermarket and she was on her phone booking a flight, telling the person at the other end that she wanted her usual one month stay, at her usual hotel. Hotel!
       For a minute, I considered a direct appraoch—following her outside, getting her a
sleeper hold, and pelting her into the trunk of my car. Unfortunately the boss would probably get upset if she just disappeared. He would never admit it, not even to himself, but he’s still a little in love with her. So I’ll let him do it his way.
       Besides, I haven’t done that sort of thing in a couple years. For all I know, I could be losing my edge.

Island Pulp Detective: Roger’s Ex-wife, Sheraline, Has Her Say:

Published by Margaret Sisu in Island Pulp Detective · 14/6/2013 20:00:57
Tags: KinkyshortmysteryhumordetectiveRogerGoodingSheralineGoodingNude

    My mother always says that every argument has three sides and only one of them is the whole truth. Well, the truth is that Roger and I would still be married today if only he would have gotten his head out of the clouds and tried living like a grown-up.
      People who knew him back when he was at
Combermere (that’s one of the more prestigious local high schools, for those of you who don’t know) said that he would have made a good psychiatrist because he was always trying to fix other people’s problems, or a good engineer because he’s also good with his hands. It’s even easy to imagine him as the lawyer he was supposed to be because he’s smooth-talking and always looking for an angle. And he’s very easy on the eye—the first time I saw him nine years ago, my mouth watered; no lie (but don’t tell him I told you that). Another thing my mother says, though, is that ‘come see me’ and ‘come live with me’ are different things, and no truer words exist.
      Three years after we got married, after busting my butt to support him during two years of law school, Roger suddenly announced that he was dropping out to become a private investigator. I’d let it slide when he furnished our apartment completely with second-hand furniture from his brother. And I bit my tongue hard when, instead of buying me that car we’d been talking about, he lent the cash to one of his free-loading, sob-story friends who never even paid us back. I even looked the other way all the times he left me stranded because his mother crooked a finger and he went running. Then he throws away a chance at a legal practice and a comfortable life to skulk around behind unsavory dead-beats. I had three more years with that Roger Gooding and I said, "Enough, thank you." I left home at eighteen, travelled around until I decided that
Barbados was where I could have the life I wanted, and I’m not crazy enough to let myself end up worse off than I started out. So the marriage thing didn’t work out for Rog and me. Pity—I do miss that man some nights, though. Damn. (Don’t tell him I said that either.)
      Anyway, word on the street these days is that he’s good at what he does, so I might have to start watching my back. The last thing I need is for him to come snooping around and capsize this great boat I’m sailing.

Interview with Roger Gooding, Island Private Detective

Published by Margaret Sisu in Island Pulp Detective · 17/4/2013 19:45:35
Tags: KinkyshortmysteryhumordetectiveRogerGoodingNude

Knock, knock...
       Good afternoon, come on in. Please, have a seat. So, you’re here because
Ms. Sisu has decided to start writing down my little exploits and you want to hear some of it straight from the horse’s mouth.Well, I don’t like talking about myself but since you came all this way, I’ll oblige.
Can I offer you a drink? Water? Coke? I …uh…have a little something in the desk to flavor the Coke, if you know what I mean. No? Okay. Then straight down to business.
      Why did I become a private investigator? Shh, not so loud! My mother strolls in here sometimes like she owns the place and we don’t want to get her started on the subject!
      The truth is that I started out studying criminal law but dropped out two years in. The classroom just wasn’t for me. But I liked the… intricacies of the law, the insight into human nature, and the ways the girls used to look at me when they found out I would be mixing with a dangerous element. I ended up here as a compromise, you could say. The pay isn’t all that, but I’m my own boss.
       Doesn’t my family worry about me?
       My mother is too busy reminding me that Daddy is rolling over in his grave because I didn’t become a proper lawyer and complaining about wanting grandchildren to worry. My ex-wife doesn’t care what I do as long as my alimony payments are on time, and my other acquaintances, for the most part, are more interested in tapping me for information —free of charge, naturally—whenever they need. The only person who worries about me, if you can call it ‘worry’, is
HER, but I would rather not talk about HER, if you don’t mind. In fact, I avoid anything to do with HER whenever possible, even though my buddies think I’m nuts. But they don’t have to deal with HER so I don’t listen to them.
       Anyway, I don’t need anyone to worry about me. I can handle myself . I have a licensed gun, of course, but what I like to say that words are often more powerful than weapons, and a man who knows how to wield his words can get himself out of hot water time and again. Out of a lot of hot water.
      But, of course, if the situation leaves me no other choice, I shoot the bastard.

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